I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
