I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
