Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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