Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
