Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
