Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
