i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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