I just saw a hot homeless man
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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