I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize