So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
