can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
