I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
