I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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