Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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