its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
