There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
