You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
