im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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