And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
