I can text with my tongue
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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