They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
