Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
