He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
