I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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