are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
