Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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