no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
