I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
