...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
