You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
