Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize