Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
