I'm really into asian looking animals
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
