My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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