I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
