why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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