i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
