sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
