I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
