she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
