well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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