Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
