seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
