My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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