I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
