Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
