Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
