What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
