Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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