Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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