I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
