I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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