I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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