he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
