i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize