I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
