Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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