He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
