Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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