Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
