I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
