are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
