At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
