I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
