My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
