3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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