you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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