I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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