Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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