It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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