I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A bitchslap is in order.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
