Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
