Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
