the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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