Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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